Biggest Fears

This last weekend at church we discussed bravery.  Then the first question asked for our small group what is your biggest fear.  It really made me think what exactly my biggest fears are.  There is more than one unfortunately.  So rather then just share them with a few, I will step up and share them with all.

My first fear is to let God down, to disappoint Him.  I am sure that I already have in many ways and many times.  It still bothers me.  Someday I will be facing Him knowing how much I've messed up in life.  All the opportunities that I blew or allowed fear to prevent me from going forward with.  Looking at where my life is now, it isn't where I thought I would be and I am disappointed in my life.  Yes, God is in charge and yes, nothing I do will ever surprise Him.  He has never been shocked by my actions and deeds.  But it still bothers me.

Another one which is big is to pray for what I know I need and what He requires us to pray for.  Why?  Because He isn't going to answer them the way that we want Him to.  It's easy to whine and complain crying out to lighten our load yet how often do we pray that He will strengthen our backs to handle the load that He has given us?  Because the load will get heavier the stronger our backs become.  When we pray for patience, He gives us opportunities to exercise it and exercise is not always pleasant.  It hurts the muscles.  He will give us calm in the storm but what we desire is for the storm to go away.  There are certain things that I know I need and must pray for, however, I also know that as He bestows those things upon me, life becomes harder.  Jesus promises us a life with suffering and strife.  I'm a wimp and don't like those things.  There will be blessings in the end but the journey does get rough.  If He is to make me a diamond, then I must endure the crushing and fire that all coal must go through first.  God's gems are never easily made.  But to be privileged to be called upon by Him makes it all worth it.  He qualifies the called not call the qualified.  Lucky for me because I'm not qualified for hardly anything.

I have more, many, many more.  However I'm not up for going over those besides they are lame.  I know that I will die alone but I am afraid of living alone.  Loud sudden noises.  A death with no meaning.  Being sat on by a large purple elephant.  Just basic stuff.

God Bless and always be a Snakebird

Cole